what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
