Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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