i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
