ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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