I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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