so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
