I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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