Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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