If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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