Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
