sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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