our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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