I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize
