Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
