everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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