I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
