i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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