my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
