I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
