well I can't set my house on fire every night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
