ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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