my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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