Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
