he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize