You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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