so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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