If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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