Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
