no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
