glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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