The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
