I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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