Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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