In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
