She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
