I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
