Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
