I wanna bring you to show and tell
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
