home. puking in laundry basket.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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