That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
