i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
