just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
