True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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