i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
