I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
