Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
