i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
