I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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