Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
