jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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