she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
