I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
