the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
