What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
