yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
