I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
