I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
