I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
