you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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