The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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