He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Come see our sink grown plant.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
