Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
