So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
