Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I touched a dick in church today
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
