So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
