Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
