I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
