he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
