I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
