Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
