Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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