i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
