Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
