is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
