ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
