News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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