the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
