Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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