Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
