You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
