Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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