Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
