You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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