im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
