Tell her she can't have a vagina
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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