my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
