things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
