You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
