The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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